Healing
Dear Curious about Healing,
The simple response to your question is, no.
Depending on how you look at it, this can actually be good news. Of course, there is some immediate relief in the idea that there is an End in Sight. To be “done” would be an incredible relief. Presumably. But, what if the real relief comes in accepting that healing comes in stages and there isn’t a rush? Often people start the healing process fixated on the notion that there is an endpoint. We will self- actualize and POOF-- Life will at last make sense, existential dread will have lifted and the people and things that used to drive us mad will be met with monastic compassion.
We may heal from specific traumas or diagnoses. But the beauty of it is, life continues to challenge us, we continue to struggle and, therefore, we continue to heal and grow. There is no growth without pain and no adaptation without stress, so I suggest you lean in. Your process might even connect you with some of the millions of other humans going through some iteration of the same thing.
Healing evolves as we evolve. For example, healing from an eating disorder at 20 looks different than confronting diet-culture and fatphobia in your mid-50s. Staying aware during throughout our life journey around specific subjects continually peels back layers of that proverbial onion. We continue to learn more about our blindspots, our strengths, our relationships, and ourselves holistically - what a joy! Right?
It is also okay to need a break. Healing is hard. Healing is work. The same way we need weekends in order to be more productive, engaged, and present at work, we may also need breaks from therapy to feel ready to take on the next piece of our process. No one can be in this work all the time. It’s normal to complete an intense piece of healing and then need some time off, or to slow the process down, or to put in different supports. Sonia Connolly, LMT writes that, “healing is a long-term process with times of effort and times of rest.” Check out her writing here, where Sonia sheds light on taking a break.
Despite awareness of the complexities of healing, it can be devastating and disappointing to unravel new layers that need additional attention. It can start to feel like the embodied ease you envisioned for yourself is fading into the distance. That no matter how hard you try, there will always be something. It’s as if, the more you focus on healing, the more you are aware of what needs to be healed.
If you are feeling exhaustion, frustration, or disappointment in your healing journey, we say, “Welcome to the tribe.” You are not alone in these feelings. Therapists, clients, doctors, mothers, fathers, teachers - all of us - share these feelings.
As therapists, we wish we held the answer - but we don’t. What we do hold is space, space for your healing to take as long as you need. We encourage you to find people, places, and things that support you on your individualized healing journey. The only way out of pain is through. You never have to do this alone.
But more than anything - be kind to yourself through this process. You are doing brave work.
If you’re feeling contemplative today, consider journaling…
How are you showing up for the parts of you that need healing?
Stay Well,
WW Team
f you’re looking for more on this topic, Monica Starkman, MD, sheds some light on the stages of healing in her article, When Childhood Trauma Meets Healing Relationships.