Curious About Empathy
Dear Curious About Empathy,
We love your question. We also love empathy. We think empathy is lacking in the general culture landscape today, and we think there should be more of it!
Generally speaking, “empathy” refers to the ability to put yourself in someone else’s shoes. If “Empathy” were the title of a book, the subtitle would be “The roots of How and Why humans care about each other.”
Empathy is basically an umbrella term for the experience of how we emotionally understand each other. It is the key ingredient in effective communication and successful human relationships. Empathy impacts our ability to connect with others because it determines how we make emotional meaning out what others say and do. When we experience another person’s suffering as our own and seek to understand and/or alleviate their suffering as if our own relief depended on it, our connection with that other person takes on a deeper meaning. When we are feeling empathic, we become invested in others’ wellbeing and our motivation for understanding their point of view increases significantly.
According to researchers who study human emotions and psychology, there are two components of empathy – affective empathy and cognitive empathy. “Affective empathy” refers to the ability to sense what other people are feeling and resonate with others’ emotional experiences. “Cognitive empathy” concerns one’s ability to imagine why another person might be feeling a certain way.
Maybe you have had the experience of ‘catching’ someone’s feelings – like you just filed your taxes and you’re feeling pleased about it, but then you bump into a friend who is super stressed about being late with their taxes, and now you’re feeling nervous about taxes too, even though yours are done. This is one example of how we might experience empathy called emotional resonance or affective empathy.
Or perhaps you’ve played team sports and you’ve had the experience of working so well with your teammates that it was as if you shared a mind. You all seemed to know what the others were going to do in order to score even though there wasn’t a set plan and you hadn’t talked about how to do it. This is an example of how cognitive empathy can enhance human connection through imagining what others might need by taking their perspective.
Anytime you’ve watched a scary movie and thought to yourself don’t go down that dark alley alone! or you cringed when witnessing someone stub their toe you’ve experienced empathy at work.
Human ability to empathize with others is an innate capacity built in to our brains and bodies. Scientists credit ‘mirror neurons’ with providing a neurological framework that essentially primes humans (and other mammals like monkeys and dogs) to empathize with others. At the most basic level, mirror neurons are a network of brain cells that become activated when we witness someone do an activity as if we were doing that activity ourselves.
Much like other aspects of human personality, empathy is a trait that varies in expression from person to person. Thus, while humans are essentially hardwired to empathize, some people are naturally born with a greater natural capacity for empathy. However, this doesn’t mean that those who might have a lower tendency for empathy are hopeless sociopaths. Researchers have found that almost anyone can increase their ability to empathize. In fact, no matter where your natural empathy is at, there are many ways to not only increase one’s capacity for empathy, but improve our experience and expression empathy.
Here are some ways to improve your own capacity for empathy:
Be an active listener: When having conversations, or just listening to someone, focus your entire attention on the person speaking. Imagine what they are feeling underneath their words. Let them fully finish their thought before speaking. When they are done, share what you heard them say to make sure you understood them.
Ask – don’t assume: Even when you think you know someone’s point of view, ask them to share their perspective anyway. Ask them what they think about things and how they feel.
Exercise your imagination: Read fiction that is unfamiliar to you. Exploring new fantasy worlds helps develop our curiosity and creativity.
Close the gap: Seek out people you imagine are very different from you and explore what you might have in common. A good place to start is to read autobiographies or short non-fiction stories by authors with different backgrounds and/or opposing viewpoints from you.
Play more: Literally, play more. Play a musical instrument? Getting together with others to jam increases empathic capacities. Athletic? Team sports are especially helpful when seeking to develop cognitive empathy.
Meditate: Practicing feelings of warmth and caring for others in meditation (specifically loving kindness meditation, or metta practice) is an effective way to increase your innate tendency to be empathic.
We look forward to empathizing with you, and hearing about your empathic successes!
Stay Well,
WW Team
Still musing?
Consider journaling about what it has meant to you when you felt others took the time to listen to you. What empathic connections are you grateful for?
Check out our girl Brené Brown talk about the difference between empathy and sympathy here.
Also, we can't get enough of this song about empathy