Ghosting: Am I setting a boundary or avoiding something?
When it comes to maintaining healthy relationships, setting boundaries is often seen as a key aspect. Boundaries are the limits and rules that we establish within our relationships to ensure that our needs are respected and our well-being is prioritized. However, the term boundary can sometimes feel rigid and inflexible, failing to capture the fluid nature of relationships.
In dialectical behavior therapy (DBT), clinicians prefer to use the term limits instead of boundaries to emphasize the idea that rules within relationships are constantly evolving. For example, I generally avoid discussing work during weekend hangouts to maintain a healthy work-life balance, demonstrating how our limits evolve with our friendship's changing needs. Likewise, my communication preferences may adjust based on specific situations.
But what about ghosting?
Is it a form of setting boundaries or is it simply avoiding important conversations? Ghosting, the act of abruptly cutting off communication with someone without explanation, has become increasingly common in today's digital age. While some may argue that ghosting is a way of setting boundaries and protecting one's own well-being, others see it as avoidance.
Research has shown that being a victim of ghosting can have negative impacts on mental health, leading to feelings of loneliness, helplessness, and dissatisfaction with life. In contrast, setting clear boundaries and having open and honest conversations can lead to healthier and more fulfilling relationships.
So, where does ghosting fit into the picture of maintaining integrity in relationships?
While it may seem like a quick and easy way to avoid confrontation, ghosting ultimately erodes trust and undermines the foundation of a healthy relationship. Instead of resorting to ghosting, consider having open and honest conversations about your needs and boundaries. By communicating openly and respectfully, you can maintain your integrity while also fostering stronger and more authentic connections with others.
Setting boundaries is important for maintaining healthy relationships, and ghosting may not be the most effective answer. By being mindful of your limits, communicating openly, and respecting the needs of others, you can navigate relationships with integrity and authenticity.
Remember, healthy relationships are built on trust, communication, and mutual respect – not on ghosting and avoidance.
References:
Linehan, M. M. (1993). Cognitive-behavioral treatment of borderline personality disorder. New York, NY: Guilford Publications.
Navarro R, Larrañaga E, Yubero S, Víllora B. Psychological Correlates of Ghosting and Breadcrumbing Experiences: A Preliminary Study among Adults. Int J Environ Res Public Health. 2020 Feb 10;17(3):1116. doi: 10.3390/ijerph17031116. PMID: 32050561; PMCID: PMC7037474.
