Recovery

Dear Struggling to Hold On, 

I wish recovery success was as simple as following a recipe, a guidebook, or a manual. The trouble is we are people. And people are messy, complex, and not spill proof, despite our desire for our lives to be easy. I can hear the longing in your question, and there’s a part of me that resonates with it. You’re asking, “How do we hold on when healing or joy or love feel out of reach?”

Below I’m going to share many ideas, thoughts, and reflections, but it’s important that as you read the culmination of thoughts from WW therapists, you should know that these are not answers. These are not recipes, or guidebooks, or manuals; they are trial and error, summaries of extensive therapy sessions, and journal entries that clicked. Our blessing to you is that you take what works, what resonates, what pulls you in, and trust it. My favorite artist, Maggie Rogers, shares beautiful wisdom before she gets on stage. She says, “You have to bet on Maggie.” I always think about this before I do something brave. You have to believe that you can do it. Bet on yourself. And if I’ve learned nothing else in these 12 years of recovery, I’ll tell you that the biggest promise I’ve ever made to myself was to never stop betting on my being.

I spent time with people who were also serious about recovery. The friends I used with or went to the gym with distracted me from taking care of myself. I was able to recommit to some of these friendships later, but I needed distance from them in early recovery. ~ The people you surround yourself with matter. 

I took suggestions from my treatment team and people who had already recovered. My best thinking had gotten me to my bottom and I knew I could no longer trust myself to make good decisions when it came to certain behaviors. I needed the guidance of people who knew how to do this life thing. ~ Seek guidance from those you trust.

I had fun! If recovery was going to be a drag, it wasn’t for me. At first it felt odd to try to have fun without certain substances and in a body that I thought wasn’t deserving of fun. But I thought, f*ck it. If I’m going to be sober and ditch the security blanket of my eating disorder, I’m not settling for a small life. ~ Find joy in healing. You will laugh again.

I found a hobby. I began baking and got really into making cookies and finding and eating the best treats around the city. Taking friends to bakeries became a treasured activity and is to this day. ~ Let yourself be excited about new things.

I found a lot of solace in my horoscope and read it daily, which was something I had not previously done. It sounds silly but I really needed the stars to guide me when I was first abstaining from alcohol. ~ Look up.

What better healing power than a puppy sleeping on your belly? I had more patience and was able to be present with my animals. They are my most valued motivators to be a healthy human. ~ Find a furry friend to love.

I accepted help - I thought for a long time that I could get better by myself. After many failed attempts to do so, I tried something different and allowed myself to be helped. It was hard and painful but I couldn’t have done this by myself. I need connection and love and support and accountability. ~ It takes a village.

“played the tape through” by asking myself: if I use this behavior what will happen? To do this, I needed to practice pausing before acting on an urge. At first the pause was really quick, but the more I practiced, the more time I had between an urge and a behavior. ~ Allow yourself to slow down and consider probable outcomes.

I told my secrets - when I was sick/using I had a lot of parts of myself that I didn’t allow others to see. I was terrified to let those parts be seen. Through therapy and treatment and friendships I slowly let go and became more and more honest with others and myself about my secrets. I felt less shame and was kinder and gentler to myself as a result. ~ Shame thrives on secrecy. It’s okay to talk.

I had to get all of my different “parts” of self on board with my recovery. I had to acknowledge any indifference or fear that I had and to allow my healthy self to be in control. I knew I wasn’t going to be able to heal if my Eating Disorder self didn’t surrender. ~ It’s okay if it takes time to get yourself on board.

I stopped isolating and practiced opposite action. That meant taking people up on dinners/lunch dates and following through. ~ Let the love in. Nothing hard was ever easy.

I allowed myself to let go of rigidity and control around meals. I didn’t have a meal support provider or a dietitian, so in the beginning I would pick something off of the menu with my eyes closed, order what a friend was getting, or assign two meals to salt and pepper shakers, then mix them up and randomly choose one while not looking. ~ Allow yourself to let go of control.

I had to be open to believing that there is something bigger than the cycle I was stuck in. There’s magic in allowing yourself to do something different, even if it’s scary or hard or new, or you feel naked. ~ There’s more than what’s happening between your ears. 

I fell in love with life. I found the people that made me feel alive, the things that made me feel passionate, the breakfast that made me get up in the morning, the home that made me feel grounded, the oceans that made me wonder, the therapists that made me feel heard, and I held onto all of it. ~ Feeling alive is a feeling worth fighting for.

I want to remind you again that these are not answers. These are trials and failures, and a few suggestions that speak for themselves. But what I’ll say here is that you can do this. You are so worthy of healing in whatever way that looks. And it’s okay to have doubts, that means you’re really working at it, you’re really fighting for something. But don’t give up. Everybody has dark days, sometimes we have dark days. Find your village, or your stars, or your waves, and bet on yourself. We’re right behind you, rooting you along. ~ We’re not that different. We can all heal. Trust that, believe in that, bet on that.

If you’re feeling contemplative today, consider journaling:

What would it look like to go all in when betting on yourself? 

Stay well, 

WW team